Friday, June 25, 2010

Being the Light in the Darkness

I previously wrote to you about “Cindy” who is in jail for 30 days. I have visited her and received two letters that have moved me so much I felt I should write to tell you about them.

Chris Sunami, our youth pastor, once preached a wonderful sermon about how you can live in heaven even if you are in “hell” or you can live in “hell” even when you are in "heaven". This Sunday we will be singing a song called “I’m Choosing Heaven Today” and I will think about Cindy when we sing it.

She wrote:
“I went to church here today. It was a very nice service. I’ve started a bible study in our Pod – about three of us. Each girl here has her own room, so that’s nice. I pray every day and I stay positive and hopeful. I’m going to get a job by hook or by crook because I don’t intend to keep doing this!

It took me a long time to write because commissary wasn’t until today. I miss the church badly. Tell everyone I said hello! I think I’m going to miss party on the plaza :-( . But I’ll be at the next one! :-)

I ask God to create in me a clean heart and to renew my spirit daily. And I continue to trust in Him. Please continue to pray for me. The deputies here are very nice and so are the girls. I get along with them all.
Love ya!
“Cindy”

She drew a picture on the envelope of a cross with light streaming from it.

When I visited her the following week, she told me that she wasn’t allowed to have a bible in her room and could only read one in a common room. (I can’t fathom the reason for this). But her little group was studying the Bible and she was staying hopeful. I also learned for the first time that Cindy is an artist. She has been drawing portraits for any of the women who want one.

I was touched that she was more concerned about me than herself. “I was so worried that you were going to be upset when you saw me in handcuffs”, she told me. I am so moved by her positive attitude and faith, and her determination to rise above this problem and make things right when she gets out. There are a number of people also determined to help her succeed when she gets out.

She said, “When we came to the hearing, I thought I might end up here, but I had been going to Christian living group, Healthy Living Group and worship every week so I felt like I had my armor on this time. I’ll be okay.”

Last Sunday was Father’s Day. During worship sharing joys and concerns three or four people shared that they had never known their father, or their father had been abusive or done things no father should ever do. One had a father who died when he was young. Each person ended their sharing with some variation of “but, I know I have a loving Father in heaven.” Pastor John then preached on ‘Our Daddy, who art in heaven” and said that regardless of whether we had a loving human father, our Father, God, is here and accessible to each of us and reminds us how much we are loved. “Abba” is the term used in the Lord’s Prayer and it literally means “Daddy”.

Many people grew up in a hell I cannot even comprehend. Others are trapped in a hell of addiction or one made by their own mistakes. Others are held down by a system that gives them few breaks. Some are plagued with mental illness. Relationships can be shattered and broken. And all of us face illness and death at some point in our lives. In all our personal “hells” we have the freedom to choose heaven or choose hell; to live in the darkness or live in the light.

And, as Cindy so beautifully is demonstrating, we can be the light to others who are in darkness, even while in jail.

May your week be full of light!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Debtors Prison

The words "Debtors Prison" conjures up a vision of dark Dickensian places where people are thrown for owing money until their family can come up with enough to spring them out. Of course, these types of prisons are a thing of the distant past.... except, they ARE NOT.

Cindy (not her real name), a friend, and a participant in Church for All People music programs and small groups, was just thrown in jail for 30 days. Her crime is that she had not paid child support money owed to the state.

Cindy is just a lovely person and has become a good friend. She is African American, and just turned 50 last week. She is friendly, open hearted and very up front and honest about her own sins. She is now sober after many years of crack cocaine use. She is actively participating in just about every kind of support group she can and attends worship every Sunday. She seems to me to be trying to completely turn her life around.

The child in question is almost 18 and Cindy gave her up to her Aunt because she felt she could not care for her when she was homeless and addicted. She says she made the right choice. I think we'd all agree.

Cindy is a felon. She was arrested on a first-time crack possession charge and put in the penitentiary. She got out in 2003 or thereabouts. This makes it almost impossible for her to find work. She has no transportation other than the bus. Many bonded positions where she might work are so far away from where she has managed to find housing, that she cannot apply there. She has a sporadic job she recently obtained cleaning and stripping floors for someone who owns some properties. She brought documentation of this to her court appearance today.

Cindy had not shown up the last time the court required her to come to Springfield. She called and told her Aunt, who has custody of her child, that she had no way to get there. She assumed that her Aunt would tell the court and, of course, the court doesn't care what you told your Aunt.

She received a summons and threat of warrant. When Cindy told me about this I told her I would drive her to Springfield today, hoping to keep her out of jail. She knew she might get thrown in jail, though. I foolishly believed that the court would see that logical thing to do would be to allow Cindy to work her job and actually make payments on this debt.

On the way to the court appearance we talked about the cycle of poverty and trying to get work as a felon. She only had the one drug possession offense and could probably have it expunged, but it would cost around $500 or more. This is one of many examples of how money makes our whole courts system different experiences for the poor and the rich.

You should first absolutely throw out any image you have of our court system that comes from television. After several encounters with the so-called justice system in Franklin County and now Clark County I have to say that there is little portrayed on television about our courts that is even close to reality.

Cindy had a public defender today. The woman never talked to Cindy at all and didn't even sit near her. In fact, Cindy didn't even see her until she was seated before the judge. The Defender simply read aloud from Cindy's file. She actually never even looked at Cindy. I was not allowed to speak on Cindy's behalf or even speak at all. The "Public Defender" had already decided what she was requesting from the court without consulting Cindy at all about what she might like to see happen or about any details of her situation. There was absolutely no consultation whatsoever and no representation.

I learned that Cindy owes almost $30,000 and only a payment right then of $800 would prevent her going to jail. The judge asked Cindy about employment but then cut her off as she tried to explain about the job she has. He wasn't interested in the documentation she had brought. The job is through informal channels, like most work for felons, so it "doesn't count" and the courts won't trust it.

The entire thing lasted about five minutes. At the end the sheriff clapped handcuffs on Cindy and led her away. I was not allowed to speak to her or see her again. I tried to ask a question of the judge. He clearly had no respect for me and treated me with condescension. I was apparently "tarnished" by association.

Taxpayers will pay about $100 per day to keep Cindy in jail at a cost of $3,000. She may now lose her job. She surely will feel discouraged and find it that much harder to do the right thing next time and appear when called at court. Better to stay under the radar and hope to not get picked up because, for Cindy, $800 might as well be $10,000. And $30,000? She will never, if she works the rest of her life, be able to pay that off because she cannot get a job that pays more than the minimum expenses of housing and food. She is forever incarcerated and marginalized by her debt.

Now, you might say Cindy made her own bed and now she has to lie in it. This is, of course, true. Cindy was a crack addict for many years and has not made a payment toward child support since 2003. She has only been cleaned up for a few short months. On the other hand, putting her in jail does not improve the chances of her ever restarting her child support payments. The judge's clerk told me that society ends up paying assistance for the child and so it is right to punish those who don't pay child support. But of course, this punishment only furthers the taxpayer burden and delays her ability to pay.

Upon coming home I tried to get information about how to stay in touch with Cindy and whether I can bring her anything. She can have one visitor a week for 30 minutes during prescribed hours. I am not allowed to bring her anything except 3 magazines, including underwear which she must BUY from the jail. No books and she can't keep her bible because it is a hard covered book. I can put money into an account for her to help her pay for underwear and small comforts. Once again -- if you have money, the road is a little easier, even in jail.

In past reports I've told you about other experiences with the Franklin County jail, which is now looking very progressive to me since I could actually bring people socks and underwear and they could have one visitor each day of visiting hours. You can languish there for a week or two before you are arraigned and then a month or two before they even hear your case. You are pretty much guilty until proven innocent because you are in jail until the courts get around to you. You'll serve time no matter what.

Many of the cases I've encountered here in Columbus stem from unpaid traffic violations, followed by skipping courtroom appearances. Then someone is stopped for something else and thrown in jail for outstanding warrants.

Our "Criminal Justice" system is nothing more or less than a criminal PUNISHMENT system of retribution. With a few small exceptions it offers no drug rehabilitation or counseling to change anyone's life. When people are released from prison they are branded as a felon and cannot, for all practical purposes, work at anything like a regular job. When people are in jail for shorter term misdemeanors they frequently lose any job they had by the time they get out.

The cycle of poverty and so called "justice" grinds and grinds and grinds the poor until they are dust. I have said before, but I'll say again -- it is a MIRACLE when people can lift themselves out of this cycle. We point to these exceptions and say "See, he overcame his circumstances. Anyone can and should do this!" and we judge harshly those whose downward spiral is simply out of control.

On the way home from Springfield today I felt like a Psalmist. I wept and railed at God. Why do the rich prosper and the poor are ground into the dirt? Why can't we have real justice and rehabilitation? Why would we rather pay $3,000 to put Cindy in jail rather than spend that money to help give her a new start in life? job training? drug counseling? expunge her record so she can work? And why do we make it almost impossible for ex-felons to find work - thus increasing their chances of breaking the law again? And why, oh why, in the year 2010 in the United States of America do we still have debtors prisons?

Jesus said that caring for the poor and visiting those in prison was a requirement for getting to heaven. It is one of the list of things that separates the "goats from the sheep" when God is judging us. (Matt:5) One version of the Lord's prayer says "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." I ask that you pray for Cindy and pray and work toward a more just prison and courts system in America.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Who Sings?

I've been attending a meditation group every week for awhile now and (attempting) to meditate every day. For me, meditation is a form of prayer and I use it as a path to commune with God.

One of the most amazing revelations came through my meditation group this last week. During meditation, I had intentionally lifted up in prayer two things I really, really, really wanted - To sing with the Columbus Jazz Orchestra and to play Mama Rose in Gypsy. I had told myself I "had to" do these things before I die. They've been on my list for a long time as goals I felt I needed to achieve.

Like most artists I struggle with self-esteem: feelings of rejection, concern about whether I'm really talented, etc, etc. When you put your art out there, it is your SELF you put out there for criticism. It's tough. I find that I've shied away from a lot of marketing because I just cringe at having to "sell" myself; or I feel so personally disrespected when a club owner or booking person doesn't call me back after the 3rd or 4th time I've tried to call. So, I just give up. It's easier than that ego-rejection.

In Buddhist meditation, the objective is to get rid of the sense of "self" or the ego. And, I think that this is the objective whether you call it "prayer" or "meditation" -- Surrender of the self-will, surrender of pride or vanity, is central in most spiritual walks. "Let go and let God" is one expression that speaks to me.

The conversation after our meditation last week turned to the Ego and the question of "starting over" on your journey. Maxwell Button, a jazz drummer who is in our group, said that he approaches each time he sits in front of his drums and hits them with his stick, as if he were a two year old experimenting and hearing that sound for the first time. He aims for a sense of starting out fresh every day. A new birth. We discussed letting go of the ego and relinquishing our assessments of our spiritual journeys as a linear model of "progress".

I suddenly realized how self-centric my art is. I became conscious of a self-judgment that said "I SHOULD be at this point in my career", meaning that I should be hired by now for certain kinds of gigs, I should be selling X CD's, I should have X fans who follow my work, I should get cast in X plays with X theater companies. I became conscious of how much unhappiness and dissatisfaction that causes in me, and how much that gets in the way of the ART itself.

Then, after our group, a few of us went to lunch and I was sharing how this conversation had affected me. Jim Ellsworth shared a comment he had heard from a jazz singer. She asked herself before every performance "Who Sings?".

WOW! Think how much that changes the entire musical conversation? It isn't any longer about ME singing. It is about the universe singing THROUGH ME. That may sound esoteric, but I think it is very real. When I understand at more than an intellectual level that I am deeply connected with every cell of the universe (something that is, in fact, true at the level of science and physics, too) then I can release that need to succeed, that fear of failure, the need to be liked,.... ALL that mess! And really SING! and, for that matter, act, or direct.

So then I thought, if the question is "Who Sings?" then how about the songs I write? The question must be "Who's Song?" Not MY songs! As soon as they are composed, they are the property of the universe. Wait! BEFORE they are composed they are the property of the universe. Why, then, should I apologize for my lack of musical training or give a disclaimer when I present them? And, on the other hand, when they are complemented, it also isn't about ME. The song is not mine to own.

More and more I think about the song "Let it Be". Just let it be! Just let it be birthed in creativity, through the God who is CREATOR and author. Then "let it be" without apology, disclaimer, fear, shame, anticipation, pride or ego. Doesn't that feel more relaxed!

By the same token, it is excellent to have goals and hopes and dreams. It is excellent to offer those up to the universe and see where it takes us. We can and should be totally engaged and committed to what we do as artists, or in any capacity. But, it is the clinging to those dreams and letting our success be defined by them that brings us down.

This brings me to the Hokey Pokey. Someone sent me this once and I find it so helpful that it comes to mind over and over.

Life is like the Hokey Pokey:
You put your whole self in, and that's total engagement.
You put your whole self out, and that's total detachment.
You turn yourself around and that's total transformation.
And that's what it's all about.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Making a Healthier Community

On Columbus' South side, the 43206 Zip Code has the highest rate of diabetes in America. Heart disease is the leading cause of death in Ohio, and obesity rates for Ohio are high. Our communities are in dire need of a health resuscitation. Right now, multiple lifestyle-change and medical efforts are working to improve health on the South side.

The Charitable Pharmacy of Central Ohio
Those who are poor often have the worst health and suffer the most. Most people are unaware that there is a gap in prescription drug coverage. 146,000 Franklin County adults aged 18 to 64 went without needed prescriptions in 2008, a 40% increase from 2004.
This doesn't even count a significant cost gap for low income elderly folks who are on Medicare.

Yesterday I attended the Open House for the
Charitable Pharmacy of Central Ohio at Livingston Avenue United Methodist Church. Its primary purpose is to be a “bridge” pharmacy to increase access to affordable prescription drugs for low income, uninsured and underinsured individuals who experience gaps with insurance coverage and/or challenges in accessing medications through other available programs.

Access Health and the United Methodist Church, The Livingston Ave. UMC and Community Development for All People (CDC) partnered to make this happen, with funding from a variety of sources including Rosati Windows, Nationwide Children's Hospital, The Columbus Foundation and many more. Ongoing donations and volunteers are needed to make this a success.


More Healthy Community Ventures

In addition to the Charitable Pharmacy, these other health ventures were already underway:
The Couch Potato Workout
You might be wondering what a "Couch Potato Workout" is and why Governor Strickland is offering it.
Oops! Wrong Governor!

This "Governor" is Gregg Peerson, a well-known talented drummer who plays with The All People Band. Shortly after Gregg started playing with our band, he came to me and said he had a workout that anyone with any disability could do. Gregg was a fitness instructor at the YWCA for many years. During Free Store hours on Wednesday afternoon, he has volunteered his time to lead his "Couch Potato Workout" free for those waiting to shop.


I'm sure we're all well aware that medical care and prescription coverage are only half the battle. Lifestyle changes are critical to combat obesity, diabetes and heart disease. I've done Gregg's workout a few times and it is fun and easy. It literally can be done sitting down, but strengthens arms, legs and core muscles.

Gregg is now trying to expand this ministry by making a video of his workout. He wants to make this available to individuals but also to companies, churches and non-profits who are interested in improving fitness. The video will cost about $800 to make. He is taking pre-orders for $20 per video to raise the necessary funds to make the video. There is a money back guarantee on the video as well so if you order it and don't like it, he'll give you your money back. I'm going to pitch in $40.00. If you are interested in helping Gregg out with this venture, please email me at eghow@columbus.rr.com. No cash outlay is required right now. He'll wait until he has enough pre-orders to fund the video. I can vouch for Gregg and I'm interested in expanding this great ministry.

I'm making commitment to live healthier and help my neighbors, too and invite you to take part as well.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Blood Money

Blood Money

Dorothy (not her real name) is an attractive African-American woman who has been attending the United Methodist Church for All People for awhile now. She is petite and always dresses impeccably. She has volunteered for many things and I was especially grateful that she helped me decorate and set up for a recent event. She is sweet and seems very intelligent and a little vulnerable.

I was absolutely shocked to learn that she is homeless and is currently living in a shelter. Our stereotypes are very disabling because they make us think that homelessness is only a problem for certain “types” of people – those with addictions, mental illness and so forth. Our image is of dirty, smelly people who have no interest in taking care of themselves. It is easy to classify these folks as “chronic” homeless folks who don’t need or want help, or who are impossible to really help. Dorothy is one of many people who run quite counter to this stereotype. She is meticulous about her appearance and clearly would like to not be homeless.

I do not know the details of Dorothy’s situation but I was even more stunned when Pastor John mentioned almost in passing that she sells plasma (meaning, really, that she sells her blood) in order to try to get by, but she’s, of course, limited in how often she can do this. This isn’t the first time I’ve known that people who are marginalized often sell their blood, but for some reason more than ever I found this so totally unconscionable that it has stayed with me. Each time I see Dorothy I remember this comment and I’m outraged.

Ever see the bumper sticker “If you aren’t outraged, you aren’t paying attention.”? Well, we should all be paying more attention. Here in the world’s richest country, people across our nation will sell their blood tomorrow in order to buy the food they need, pay for bus tickets, put gas in their car, pay for prescriptions, pay the rent or the electric bill, and, yes, in case you are wondering, sometimes to pay for liquor. Probably they don’t make enough selling their blood to buy illegal drugs, but maybe that too.

Many of them are actually employed but don’t make enough to get by. Many are mentally ill. Many are veterans. Many are parents.

A member of our congregation now has over 80 days of sobriety. He has a family and has had an alcohol problem for many years. He is going through some bad physical withdrawal and a $60 shot would help him through the process, but he can’t afford it so he struggles through without it, risking his recovery.

Someone else has a knee that troubles him so much you can see he’s in constant pain. He won’t take care of it – it will cost too much money and he can’t afford it.

A young woman I know, a single parent with two children, recently lost her minimum wage job because she was out sick too often with chronic kidney infections that had her hospitalized. She’s unemployed again and in danger of losing her kids, because she can’t make a steady income.

The daughter of another member has a job but she has to have a car to get there. There is no bus service. She doesn’t make enough for car payments and gas and insurance. So she risks her license and car by driving without insurance.

Have some of these people made their own bed? You betcha. Are they getting what they “deserve”? Oh, in many cases, probably yes.

I guess the question is whether we believe in second chances, forgiveness and compassion. I guess the question I ask myself is “Do I get what I deserve?” or have I had, in my life, many second chances, forgiveness from others around me, and lucky breaks – starting with the circumstances of my birth, my parents, my race and my class.


I'm blessed and hope you are as well.




Wednesday, February 17, 2010

In Memory of Mike Dyle

Today Mike Dyle, a Marine Corp vet with a servant heart and a generous spirit, was found dead from natural causes in an empty house near the Church for All People. Those of us who have been with the church for a long time are especially devastated because he was one of our first members. Mike taught me many things about generosity and service.

The first few years of our church, Mike was the custodian, first as a volunteer, and then as an employee. A really strapping guy over 6 feet tall, he worked harder than any human being I’ve ever seen. For several years George and I hired him to do yard work and he was like a machine – he could dig a garden, haul mulch, trim bushes and carry rocks and gravel so fast it made your head spin. When he worked for the church he provided security, a really thorough cleaning, constant coffee, and a big gap-toothed smile.

Mike had not always been homeless. At one point he worked as a diver in Florida and had a home and a wife. He invested all his money in a scheme to bring up some treasure from a wreck and lost it all. His life went south; he ended up on the street. In fact, he found that having responsibilities was something he could not manage. At one point the church found him an apartment with a low rent. But he felt pressured to make the rent and overwhelmed with anxiety. He eventually was back on the street where he felt more comfortable.

These two stories that I shared years ago, say everything you need to know about Mike:

After Mike started working for the church, he began to accumulate a few items of clothing – some jeans, new shirts and so on. He found two pair of tennis shoes that fit his large feet. He was really very excited about this and showed them off. He was wearing one pair and keeping the Air Jordans as an extra pair. One day another homeless man came in. Mike asked him what size shoes he wore. Without hesitation, Mike pulled out his precious Air Jordans and gave them away.

Another Sunday, when I arrived before church, Mike said “Today’s my lucky day! I found a dollar in the street. Now I’ll have something to put in the offering!”

Mike had terrible demons. He was a binge drinker and used alcohol to soothe the fierce anxiety and depression he felt. He had an incident with the church and left our employment. He then disappeared for awhile but came back and began to participate again in worship and did many odd jobs for members of the congregation and Free Store volunteers. He helped out Tony who had subsequently become our custodian.

A couple of months ago I drove Mike somewhere after church. I asked him how he was. “Not good” he replied. We talked some more and I was really disturbed to hear him say “I’m really better off dead.” He owed George and me a debt of some money which we kept trying to forgive, but he wouldn’t let us. “I’ll tell you the truth, the only reason I haven’t killed myself is that I still need to work off that debt”.

“I hope you never do then!” I cried in alarm. I pulled over the car. We talked for some time. He said “God can never forgive me for what I’ve done” I tried and tried to convince him otherwise. I was, frankly, afraid to let him out of the car. He said “I’ve killed people, how can God forgive that?”

Now, I assume he meant as a Marine in Vietnam, but I just wasn't sure. I admit this statement took me aback. Yet, I KNEW that God could indeed forgive even taking a life. I failed to convince Mike but eventually he promised me he would not do himself in “yet”. And I had to accept that. We prayed together and I let him out of the car.

Recently Mike had suffered some health problems that ultimately hospitalized him. He had been out of the hospital for a few weeks when he passed away in the night.

Those of use who knew and loved Mike prayed and prayed for recovery and healing. It was devastating to see that he couldn’t beat the demons that drove him to drink and couldn’t fully accept that he was loved and forgiven by God, and by us. I know I felt a sense of failure.

Yet, Mike also showed me that I’m no different. I still engage in behavior (over-work, over-eating, anger) that is addictive and destructive. God loves me anyway. God loves me even if I never overcome these things in this life and even if I never accept that I’m forgiven.

God loved Mike even though he never beat drinking and had done bad things in the past. God didn’t ask us to beat the drinking FOR Mike. God didn’t ask us to exorcise the demons that haunted him. God just asked us to LOVE Mike. And we surely did, as best we could.

Although I am weeping today over the loss of Mike Dial, I am also joyful in the thought that he finally HAS overcome these things and is living in peace in the Kingdom. In fact, he’s probably digging a garden in heaven right now.