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The Richness of the Poor: What I've learned from people who have little.
This is one of several reflections about what I learned working and worshiping with people who are economically poor, during my years as Minister of Music at The United Methodist Church for All People (C4AP), and now doing a music ministry at Church of the Village. Names are changed to protect privacy.
#4. Messiness, Chaos and Imperfection.
Early in the years I was at The Church for All People, our worship services were held in the Free Store in an old nondescript building next to the Green Machine Laundromat. Basically we pushed back all the racks,set up folding chairs, and held worship while the dryer next door hummed a C# throughout the service. A mouse or cockroach would frequently make an appearance.
One morning, an elderly man using metal braces suddenly, and inappropriately, stood up in the middle of the aisle and began singing. It was a disruption, and one of many such incidents by people with poor impulse control, mental illness or who were high (or.. all three).
As a certified control freak, it immediately sent me into discomfort and "problem solving" mode. But, as this crippled man began singing "He Touched Me", suddenly the Holy Spirit was tangible in the room. The lyrics go, "shackled by a heavy burden, he touched me and made me whole." It was one of my earliest lessons that God can speak (maybe speak loudest?) when the orderly universe is suddenly unsettled.
In spite of this early lesson, I spent the first five years in an heroic attempt to bring things in the music programs under better control. I tried every strategy I could think of to get musicians and singers to arrive on time. People who were from the streets frequently failed to show up altogether. I would pick people up, get to church even earlier, do every piece of set-up myself. I prepared recordings AND lead sheets AND sheet music AND lyrics in an attempt to reach my team in the way that would make it easiest for them to participate. I harangued without success. If I could have cloned myself, I would have. I became REALLY frustrated because, no matter what i did, the chaos just continued to swirl.
Not only am I a control freak, but I'm a perfectionist and over-achiever. No matter what I did, I failed to be perfect. I thought if I became a better leader that I could control the chaos. If I were better prepared, a better musician, spent more time, was more understanding, was less understanding.... whatever. Nothing really helped.
I remember another worship experience where, during sharing of joys and concerns, this guy said "I need prayer to overcome addiction. Hell.. I'm high right now. Please pray for me." Wow. Talk about laying it all out there! Over and over I encountered people who were completely up-front about their failings and vulnerability.
People called me on my own shortcomings quite directly, too. "How come you don't have time to say hello to me? Are you too good for me?", as I rushed through setting up the sound system. But they never stayed mad, they always forgave, and they expected that I was imperfect just like everyone else. I learned my addictions to over-work and over-eating were just as destructive as my friends' addictions to alcohol or drugs. I learned it was okay to be flawed and admit to being flawed.
Then, I noticed that, no matter how many things went wrong, events (worship, Open Mic, concerts) always ended up being at least okay, but mostly great. And, often, the chaos and imperfections were where beautiful things happened.
Two out of four singers didn't show up for Coffee House? No big deal, it gave me a chance to invite other singers to fill their places. They then had a chance to shine and felt like their gifts were appreciated. Nobody set up the sound system today? If I just ask, other folks will help out, and feel needed and helpful. In fact, the more I was honest about my own vulnerability and shortcomings, the more people stepped up into leadership to rescue ME! The more I surrendered control, the more I felt blessed and cared for.
The Down Side
I want to acknowledge that it is very difficult to walk the line between what truly is disruptive to the community and what can be allowed. So, if someone took over worship by continuing to talk or shout or make a ruckus, we had to remove that person. Our folks would (as lovingly as possible) take the person to another room, our outside. If the disruption was abusive, or people felt unsafe, it was simply not allowed. So, the challenge is to accept a certain amount of chaos while also respecting the safety and worship experience of the larger community.
What We Can Learn
When we worship and work with people whose lives are chaotic and broken, we can expect worship and the life of the church to reflect that. If our first response is to control or remove that chaos, or disruptive person, we lose the opportunity to find out what message God might be sending us.
When our response to chaos is to try to be more perfect, more 'in charge', or superior to others, we lose the opportunity to let someone else shine or become a leader, not to mention learning humility. I learned that the Holy Spirit shines through the cracks in our armor.
