How Music Made the Monster

I just finished the run of Frankenstein at Hudson Guild Company. It was a fun experience playing “The Baroness" Frankenstein who is quite bossy and pompous (no type casting comments!). Jim Furlong, who runs the arts program at the Hudson Guild, wrote the original play, inspired by the two films ("Frankenstein" and “Bride of Frankenstein"). As we rehearsed, I have to admit I was kind of afraid that the show would end up being pretty campy. And, of course, you just can’t help having a little “camp" in Frankenstein. It’s such a cheesy story really! But I was worried for Jim that people might laugh in places he really didn’t want them to. Then, he made the brilliant decision to hire Daniel Bennett (http://www.danielbennettgroup.com/) to create a live soundtrack for the play. With the help of an interesting set and great acting, the soundtrack made a huge difference to the show. I have never been in a stage play that made use of this. It had the effect of helping the audience realize what was “scary" and what was “humorous", working exactly the way a film or TV soundtrack does. It was super fun to watch Daniel at work. He played five or six different wind instruments - bass clarinet, clarinet, flute, oboe, saxophone and maybe something else I’m forgetting at the moment. He basically composed the whole show himself. My favorite sound effect was the “electricity" hum he created with the bass (baritone?) clarinet on a steady tone. It was very hard on his lip, but it was super super cool in the scene where Doctor Frankenstein electrifies the monster. Daniel and I have become friends and he was sweet enough to invite me to sing with his fabulous Daniel Bennett Group at Tomi Jazz on May 25th. I’m pretty excited about joining him. And I hope this won’t be the last time a director makes use of a live soundtrack like this. I’m definitely going to keep it in mind for future directorial efforts. Check out Daniel’s jazz music at http://www.danielbennettgroup.com/ and I hope you’ll join us at Tomi Jazz 8-10:30 on May 25. 239 East 53rd Street, New York.

How Do you Define Success?

Yesterday at my weekly workshop at The Complete Theatre Company, of which I’m a member, we had a discussion about success. As an artist, are you only a success when you make your living in the arts? By that definition, most of us are doomed. But, even more than that, I’ve found that focusing on the money does two negative things. First, it starts to make you cynical. You start feeling grouchy about how little you are paid and about how screwed up society is for not giving artists their due. Second, you have a tendency to start taking anything that pays, regardless of whether it is artistically fulfilling or even consistent with your goals. Since I moved to New York, many friends back in Columbus will mention how they are sure to see me one day “on Broadway". It is exciting to feel so supported and I love these friends! But… being on Broadway is not my definition of success here. And a good thing, too, because it is very unlikely to happen. It would require me to do certain things that, at this stage of my life, I’m not interested in, such as touring with a show. I just don’t want to be away from George that long and a life on the road holds no glamor for me. Instead, for me, my “success" is being busy with creative endeavors ranging from theater, film, singing jazz, singing with a chorus, writing a play (yes, I’m trying that, too!), working on my craft in my theater company, meeting people, seeing shows, hearing music, and experiencing New York with my best friend, George. By this definition, I’m a huge success already! Wow! I’ve decided I’m going to stop saying “none of it pays, of course" as some sort of apology, because, hell, is that really the point? For me, NO. We define what success is, so don’t listen to someone else’s plan for you. Listen to your heart and soul and follow your bliss.

Happy Holidays!

Anyone tired yet of the so-called culture wars? I am.

Does Jesus really care whether we SAY Merry Christmas? I suspect what Jesus wants is for us to LIVE Merry Christmas.

Not everyone in America celebrates Christmas. Everyone (pretty much) does celebrate Thanksgiving and the New Year, and there happen to be some other miscellaneous holidays that fall in between around this time of year in addition to Christmas. So yes, although I am a follower of Jesus, I am perfectly fine with a friendly "Happy Holidays" from the store clerk. It is respectful of our diversity as a nation.

No one actually knows when Jesus was born. This time of year was a pagan holiday of the winter solstice, from which we get all kinds of traditions that we love, such as trees, holly and evergreen decorations, feasts, gift exchanges, etc. The date December 25, was selected by the Catholic Church over 300 years after Jesus' death and resurrection and was meant to transform a pagan tradition into a Christian celebration. (see http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Who_invented_Christmas)

All that being said, Christmas is a wonderful holiday and I celebrate and love the meaning and joy of Jesus' birth. I also, by the way, like the meaning of Chanukah and the lamps that did not go out. What a great metaphor for being the light in the darkness and of good triumphing over evil!

Both these celebrations remind us of God's unconditional love and the hope, peace and light that is meant to be in the world. In addition, Jesus birth account SPECIFICALLY talks about Jesus being sent to the poor. Consider these passages from the Magnificat -- Mary's response to being selected to birth Jesus:

He has shown strength with his arm
and has scattered the proud in their conceit,

Casting down the mighty from their thrones
and lifting up the lowly.

He has filled the hungry with good things
and sent the rich away empty.

So, back to my opening premise that what Jesus really wants for Christmas is for us to LIVE a Merry Christmas, not to just say it. What would this look like? Our pastor, John Edgar, said look to Matthew 25 for Jesus' gift wish list: Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the sick and imprisoned. Help the LEAST OF THESE and you will give Jesus a great birthday gift.

How many more people might consider following Jesus if we just stopped talking about it and actually showed it? I know so many people who are so utterly turned off by Christianity and Christians (often with good reason) that they cannot even have ears to hear any more. Billboards telling people they will burn in hell do nothing but discourage people from really finding the love of God.

So, this Christmas I encourage everyone to say "Happy Holidays" and live "Merry Christmas" by helping someone in poverty, giving a toy to a child in need, visiting someone in the hospital, listening to someone who is struggling, cleaning the house of someone who is ill, making a donation to charity, volunteering time, cheerfully paying our taxes (which often help those in need!), and, in general, thinking of some way to say Merry Christmas with our hearts, not our lips. Maybe by doing so we will better show the love of Christ and invite someone into a relationship with Him.

Happy Holidays!

Picking Up Trash

I’d like to introduce you to Allen and Ken. A few years ago, Allen lost his job and so he and Ken ended up buying a house on the “wrong side” of Parsons Avenue on the Columbus South side. The East side of Parsons is an area known for high crime and low incomes. Allen decided that he was not going to live in a trashy neighborhood. So.. he did something about it.

Allen (pictured second from the left in the above picture) and Ken have started a revolution in their neighborhood by doing one simple thing: Picking up trash.

Every day Allen spends part of his day walking through his neighborhood picking up trash. When he first started doing so, people thought he was a little crazy. Then they started asking him why he picked up trash. He would share with them his vision for a safe clean neighborhood. Before long, other people also picked up trash or at least didn’t throw it on the street.

Allen and Ken and some other concerned neighbors started the Ganther’s Place Garden Club and Block Watch. Together they transformed the empty lot next to Ken and Allen’s house into a spectacular “pocket park” with community art, a greenhouse, green space, flowers and benches.

Then, the drug dealers started noticing that people who lived around there cared about their neighborhood and paid attention to what was going on. They moved their operation and were not so prevalent.

Now Ganther’s Place has two pocket parks with a gazebo stage, beautification efforts throughout the streets, annual garden tours, Christmas events, Halloween events, an arts festival, a large colorful mural at the entrance to their neighborhood, a newsletter, cleaner and safer streets, a gardening program with the local elementary school, and many other successes. They have spearheaded a larger effort, in partnership with Keep Columbus Beautiful, to put flower planters up and down Parsons Avenue and hold community cleanups twice a year.

And it all started with picking up trash – an effort that required no money, no organization, and only one person.

One great story from this effort concerns a missing tree. Allen had bought two trees to plant in the pocket park. He went outside and one was missing. He followed the trail of dirt down to a house and banged on the door. The woman who answered said she didn’t know anything about it. Allen pointed out the tree was in her back yard. Her grandson had apparently taken it.

Allen carried it back to his house. The next day it went missing again. Allen was really steamed now, and he went back down and banged on the door. This time the grandson was home. Allen made the teen carry it back and help plant it. He asked him, “Why did you take the tree?” The boy replied, “It was nice, and I wanted to have nice trees and shade at my house, too.”

Allen then went and bought the boy a tree and took it down to their house. Since then, that teenager has been involved in other efforts by Ganther’s Place and he and Allen are friends.

This story delights me because it shows how returning evil with good can be transformative. It also shows how we can start with just our own resources and assets and end up transforming the world. And, according to Allen, even losing his job turned out to be his greatest asset.

Being the Light in the Darkness

I previously wrote to you about “Cindy” who is in jail for 30 days. I have visited her and received two letters that have moved me so much I felt I should write to tell you about them.

Chris Sunami, our youth pastor, once preached a wonderful sermon about how you can live in heaven even if you are in “hell” or you can live in “hell” even when you are in "heaven". This Sunday we will be singing a song called “I’m Choosing Heaven Today” and I will think about Cindy when we sing it.

She wrote:
“I went to church here today. It was a very nice service. I’ve started a bible study in our Pod – about three of us. Each girl here has her own room, so that’s nice. I pray every day and I stay positive and hopeful. I’m going to get a job by hook or by crook because I don’t intend to keep doing this!

It took me a long time to write because commissary wasn’t until today. I miss the church badly. Tell everyone I said hello! I think I’m going to miss party on the plaza :-( . But I’ll be at the next one! :-)

I ask God to create in me a clean heart and to renew my spirit daily. And I continue to trust in Him. Please continue to pray for me. The deputies here are very nice and so are the girls. I get along with them all.
Love ya!
“Cindy”

She drew a picture on the envelope of a cross with light streaming from it.

When I visited her the following week, she told me that she wasn’t allowed to have a bible in her room and could only read one in a common room. (I can’t fathom the reason for this). But her little group was studying the Bible and she was staying hopeful. I also learned for the first time that Cindy is an artist. She has been drawing portraits for any of the women who want one.

I was touched that she was more concerned about me than herself. “I was so worried that you were going to be upset when you saw me in handcuffs”, she told me. I am so moved by her positive attitude and faith, and her determination to rise above this problem and make things right when she gets out. There are a number of people also determined to help her succeed when she gets out.

She said, “When we came to the hearing, I thought I might end up here, but I had been going to Christian living group, Healthy Living Group and worship every week so I felt like I had my armor on this time. I’ll be okay.”

Last Sunday was Father’s Day. During worship sharing joys and concerns three or four people shared that they had never known their father, or their father had been abusive or done things no father should ever do. One had a father who died when he was young. Each person ended their sharing with some variation of “but, I know I have a loving Father in heaven.” Pastor John then preached on ‘Our Daddy, who art in heaven” and said that regardless of whether we had a loving human father, our Father, God, is here and accessible to each of us and reminds us how much we are loved. “Abba” is the term used in the Lord’s Prayer and it literally means “Daddy”.

Many people grew up in a hell I cannot even comprehend. Others are trapped in a hell of addiction or one made by their own mistakes. Others are held down by a system that gives them few breaks. Some are plagued with mental illness. Relationships can be shattered and broken. And all of us face illness and death at some point in our lives. In all our personal “hells” we have the freedom to choose heaven or choose hell; to live in the darkness or live in the light.

And, as Cindy so beautifully is demonstrating, we can be the light to others who are in darkness, even while in jail.

May your week be full of light!

Debtors Prison

The words "Debtors Prison" conjures up a vision of dark Dickensian places where people are thrown for owing money until their family can come up with enough to spring them out. Of course, these types of prisons are a thing of the distant past.... except, they ARE NOT.

Cindy (not her real name), a friend, and a participant in Church for All People music programs and small groups, was just thrown in jail for 30 days. Her crime is that she had not paid child support money owed to the state.

Cindy is just a lovely person and has become a good friend. She is African American, and just turned 50 last week. She is friendly, open hearted and very up front and honest about her own sins. She is now sober after many years of crack cocaine use. She is actively participating in just about every kind of support group she can and attends worship every Sunday. She seems to me to be trying to completely turn her life around.

The child in question is almost 18 and Cindy gave her up to her Aunt because she felt she could not care for her when she was homeless and addicted. She says she made the right choice. I think we'd all agree.

Cindy is a felon. She was arrested on a first-time crack possession charge and put in the penitentiary. She got out in 2003 or thereabouts. This makes it almost impossible for her to find work. She has no transportation other than the bus. Many bonded positions where she might work are so far away from where she has managed to find housing, that she cannot apply there. She has a sporadic job she recently obtained cleaning and stripping floors for someone who owns some properties. She brought documentation of this to her court appearance today.

Cindy had not shown up the last time the court required her to come to Springfield. She called and told her Aunt, who has custody of her child, that she had no way to get there. She assumed that her Aunt would tell the court and, of course, the court doesn't care what you told your Aunt.

She received a summons and threat of warrant. When Cindy told me about this I told her I would drive her to Springfield today, hoping to keep her out of jail. She knew she might get thrown in jail, though. I foolishly believed that the court would see that logical thing to do would be to allow Cindy to work her job and actually make payments on this debt.

On the way to the court appearance we talked about the cycle of poverty and trying to get work as a felon. She only had the one drug possession offense and could probably have it expunged, but it would cost around $500 or more. This is one of many examples of how money makes our whole courts system different experiences for the poor and the rich.

You should first absolutely throw out any image you have of our court system that comes from television. After several encounters with the so-called justice system in Franklin County and now Clark County I have to say that there is little portrayed on television about our courts that is even close to reality.

Cindy had a public defender today. The woman never talked to Cindy at all and didn't even sit near her. In fact, Cindy didn't even see her until she was seated before the judge. The Defender simply read aloud from Cindy's file. She actually never even looked at Cindy. I was not allowed to speak on Cindy's behalf or even speak at all. The "Public Defender" had already decided what she was requesting from the court without consulting Cindy at all about what she might like to see happen or about any details of her situation. There was absolutely no consultation whatsoever and no representation.

I learned that Cindy owes almost $30,000 and only a payment right then of $800 would prevent her going to jail. The judge asked Cindy about employment but then cut her off as she tried to explain about the job she has. He wasn't interested in the documentation she had brought. The job is through informal channels, like most work for felons, so it "doesn't count" and the courts won't trust it.

The entire thing lasted about five minutes. At the end the sheriff clapped handcuffs on Cindy and led her away. I was not allowed to speak to her or see her again. I tried to ask a question of the judge. He clearly had no respect for me and treated me with condescension. I was apparently "tarnished" by association.

Taxpayers will pay about $100 per day to keep Cindy in jail at a cost of $3,000. She may now lose her job. She surely will feel discouraged and find it that much harder to do the right thing next time and appear when called at court. Better to stay under the radar and hope to not get picked up because, for Cindy, $800 might as well be $10,000. And $30,000? She will never, if she works the rest of her life, be able to pay that off because she cannot get a job that pays more than the minimum expenses of housing and food. She is forever incarcerated and marginalized by her debt.

Now, you might say Cindy made her own bed and now she has to lie in it. This is, of course, true. Cindy was a crack addict for many years and has not made a payment toward child support since 2003. She has only been cleaned up for a few short months. On the other hand, putting her in jail does not improve the chances of her ever restarting her child support payments. The judge's clerk told me that society ends up paying assistance for the child and so it is right to punish those who don't pay child support. But of course, this punishment only furthers the taxpayer burden and delays her ability to pay.

Upon coming home I tried to get information about how to stay in touch with Cindy and whether I can bring her anything. She can have one visitor a week for 30 minutes during prescribed hours. I am not allowed to bring her anything except 3 magazines, including underwear which she must BUY from the jail. No books and she can't keep her bible because it is a hard covered book. I can put money into an account for her to help her pay for underwear and small comforts. Once again -- if you have money, the road is a little easier, even in jail.

In past reports I've told you about other experiences with the Franklin County jail, which is now looking very progressive to me since I could actually bring people socks and underwear and they could have one visitor each day of visiting hours. You can languish there for a week or two before you are arraigned and then a month or two before they even hear your case. You are pretty much guilty until proven innocent because you are in jail until the courts get around to you. You'll serve time no matter what.

Many of the cases I've encountered here in Columbus stem from unpaid traffic violations, followed by skipping courtroom appearances. Then someone is stopped for something else and thrown in jail for outstanding warrants.

Our "Criminal Justice" system is nothing more or less than a criminal PUNISHMENT system of retribution. With a few small exceptions it offers no drug rehabilitation or counseling to change anyone's life. When people are released from prison they are branded as a felon and cannot, for all practical purposes, work at anything like a regular job. When people are in jail for shorter term misdemeanors they frequently lose any job they had by the time they get out.

The cycle of poverty and so called "justice" grinds and grinds and grinds the poor until they are dust. I have said before, but I'll say again -- it is a MIRACLE when people can lift themselves out of this cycle. We point to these exceptions and say "See, he overcame his circumstances. Anyone can and should do this!" and we judge harshly those whose downward spiral is simply out of control.

On the way home from Springfield today I felt like a Psalmist. I wept and railed at God. Why do the rich prosper and the poor are ground into the dirt? Why can't we have real justice and rehabilitation? Why would we rather pay $3,000 to put Cindy in jail rather than spend that money to help give her a new start in life? job training? drug counseling? expunge her record so she can work? And why do we make it almost impossible for ex-felons to find work - thus increasing their chances of breaking the law again? And why, oh why, in the year 2010 in the United States of America do we still have debtors prisons?

Jesus said that caring for the poor and visiting those in prison was a requirement for getting to heaven. It is one of the list of things that separates the "goats from the sheep" when God is judging us. (Matt:5) One version of the Lord's prayer says "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." I ask that you pray for Cindy and pray and work toward a more just prison and courts system in America.

Who Sings?

I've been attending a meditation group every week for awhile now and (attempting) to meditate every day. For me, meditation is a form of prayer and I use it as a path to commune with God.

One of the most amazing revelations came through my meditation group this last week. During meditation, I had intentionally lifted up in prayer two things I really, really, really wanted - To sing with the Columbus Jazz Orchestra and to play Mama Rose in Gypsy. I had told myself I "had to" do these things before I die. They've been on my list for a long time as goals I felt I needed to achieve.

Like most artists I struggle with self-esteem: feelings of rejection, concern about whether I'm really talented, etc, etc. When you put your art out there, it is your SELF you put out there for criticism. It's tough. I find that I've shied away from a lot of marketing because I just cringe at having to "sell" myself; or I feel so personally disrespected when a club owner or booking person doesn't call me back after the 3rd or 4th time I've tried to call. So, I just give up. It's easier than that ego-rejection.

In Buddhist meditation, the objective is to get rid of the sense of "self" or the ego. And, I think that this is the objective whether you call it "prayer" or "meditation" -- Surrender of the self-will, surrender of pride or vanity, is central in most spiritual walks. "Let go and let God" is one expression that speaks to me.

The conversation after our meditation last week turned to the Ego and the question of "starting over" on your journey. Maxwell Button, a jazz drummer who is in our group, said that he approaches each time he sits in front of his drums and hits them with his stick, as if he were a two year old experimenting and hearing that sound for the first time. He aims for a sense of starting out fresh every day. A new birth. We discussed letting go of the ego and relinquishing our assessments of our spiritual journeys as a linear model of "progress".

I suddenly realized how self-centric my art is. I became conscious of a self-judgment that said "I SHOULD be at this point in my career", meaning that I should be hired by now for certain kinds of gigs, I should be selling X CD's, I should have X fans who follow my work, I should get cast in X plays with X theater companies. I became conscious of how much unhappiness and dissatisfaction that causes in me, and how much that gets in the way of the ART itself.

Then, after our group, a few of us went to lunch and I was sharing how this conversation had affected me. Jim Ellsworth shared a comment he had heard from a jazz singer. She asked herself before every performance "Who Sings?".

WOW! Think how much that changes the entire musical conversation? It isn't any longer about ME singing. It is about the universe singing THROUGH ME. That may sound esoteric, but I think it is very real. When I understand at more than an intellectual level that I am deeply connected with every cell of the universe (something that is, in fact, true at the level of science and physics, too) then I can release that need to succeed, that fear of failure, the need to be liked,.... ALL that mess! And really SING! and, for that matter, act, or direct.

So then I thought, if the question is "Who Sings?" then how about the songs I write? The question must be "Who's Song?" Not MY songs! As soon as they are composed, they are the property of the universe. Wait! BEFORE they are composed they are the property of the universe. Why, then, should I apologize for my lack of musical training or give a disclaimer when I present them? And, on the other hand, when they are complemented, it also isn't about ME. The song is not mine to own.

More and more I think about the song "Let it Be". Just let it be! Just let it be birthed in creativity, through the God who is CREATOR and author. Then "let it be" without apology, disclaimer, fear, shame, anticipation, pride or ego. Doesn't that feel more relaxed!

By the same token, it is excellent to have goals and hopes and dreams. It is excellent to offer those up to the universe and see where it takes us. We can and should be totally engaged and committed to what we do as artists, or in any capacity. But, it is the clinging to those dreams and letting our success be defined by them that brings us down.

This brings me to the Hokey Pokey. Someone sent me this once and I find it so helpful that it comes to mind over and over.

Life is like the Hokey Pokey:
You put your whole self in, and that's total engagement.
You put your whole self out, and that's total detachment.
You turn yourself around and that's total transformation.
And that's what it's all about.