What are Mothers Really Like?

Another year, another frustrating attempt to find a suitable Mother’s Day card for my unconventional mother. The cards that talk about the self-sacrificing, sweet, nurturing, house-keeping mother are inappropriate and sometimes even funny, given my upbringing.

 My two younger sisters and I were raised to be strong, opinionated, competitive and successful. Our mother was the disciplinarian and Dad was the pushover. My mom was, at least when we were young, a housewife, but a highly intelligent artistic one who was frustrated by the boundaries imposed on women in the 50’s and 60’s.

I love and admire my mom. Just not for the sappy reasons on the cards. My mom was the one who pushed us, refused to accept excuses, and went to bat for us. It is from her I got my intelligence, my opinionated nature, my singing voice, my acting skills, my outraged quest for justice for the oppressed, my work ethic, my persistence, and my obsessiveness. Love those traits or hate them, that’s who I am and many of those things have served me well.

 So… can it really be the case that my Mom is so unusual? Or does this holiday bring out the worst of our stereotypes about who moms are supposed to be? I mean, I’m hardly a “Hallmark Mom” either! Most of my kids’ lives I worked full time and from the age of 30, had a singing and acting career as well. We taught our daughters to be self-reliant, smart, ambitious, determined and competitive. I’m sure that they remember many times I was tough on them. Our daughters now both have full time careers. Kathryn is a human rights attorney in Uganda and her wonderful husband Dave cares for their children. Our youngest, Jennifer, is a pastor. It is likely if she and John have children that John will be the primary care-giver.

With all the successful career women, why aren’t there more cards about moms as professional role models? Why do so many Mother’s Day cards seem to say the greatest accomplishments of mothers is caring for the physical needs of their families, or successfully navigating their kid’s teen years? Why can’t moms be smart and professionally successful and hate cooking and cleaning? Why can’t moms fulfill their own destinies and ALSO be moms? Is it okay for moms to be bitchy? I mean, a lot of us actually ARE.

My mom as "Lalume" in KISMET

Here’s a better Hallmark Card for my Mom:

Mom, you always had my back and you always pushed me forward, accepting no excuses. You made me smart, strong and creative, and you showed me that I could be anything I wanted to be. You taught me that I should be of service to others less fortunate than I am, and to be outraged at injustice. Thanks for kicking me in the ass from time to time. It worked.

 Love, Eileen

 (P.S. Thanks for the cooking and cleaning, too. That was helpful.)

Moondance

If I’m being really honest, there are days here in New York City that suck. Caught in the rain, aching knees on the stairs, pee smell in the subway days. Waiting hours for an audition that doesn’t happen days.

 But then there are nights like tonight. Around 6:00, I headed to midtown to see “Old Jews Telling Jokes". I exited at the 42nd Street station, where, accompanied by a track, an opera soprano sang with such passion and abandon it brought tears to my eyes. A large appreciative audience had gathered to listen and applaud. 

Then at the West Side Theatre, “old Jews" (and a couple of young ones) brought tears of laughter to my eyes. Hilarious jokes, delivered with perfect timing — it was just great fun, shared by an audience that, being mostly Jewish, was roaring with laughter. They proved there is NOTHING in which you can’t find humor — even divorce, sickness and death. 

While waiting for my home-bound train on the C platform, a young white woman with a guitar sang old rock music while a homeless black guy joined in and they had a great time singing a duet.

As I walked home from the subway I heard music wafting from beyond my building. I walked further down the street and realized it was coming from the back of the large youth hostel in our neighborhood. There was some kind of party in the back yard, in an alcove where I couldn’t see. But I stood and listened to something that was sort of a cross between Enya and smooth jazz, sung by a woman with a haunting voice. As I turned to walk back to my apartment, I beheld a glorious full moon draped above Central Park.

 It’s times like this that I just love New York.

Birdland

I just love serendipity. Last night I went to Birdland, the famous jazz club. Monday night is Jim Caruso’s Cast Party. It had been recommended to me by several people as a great open mic attended by a big audience and, often, celebrities and Broadway performers. I took a seat at the bar and the fellow next to me said hello. I learned that he, Roger Patterson, was from San Francisco and he always came to Birdland when in NY on business. He asked if I was going to perform and I said yes, a blues tune. He said “wow, I have a blues band!" They play in the wine country around SF and are called Chord on Blue (get it? get it?). Turned out he plays harmonica, so I asked him to perform with me. It took some urging — he had never performed there or anywhere in New York, even though he visits every time he is in town, but he went back to his hotel room to get a harmonica in the right key. I signed us up on the performance list and while waiting I learned he is married, has two grown sons and several grandchildren. He learned about my family. He bought a CD from me without hearing me first, which shows an awful lot of trust! Anyway, the performers were mostly incredible. Performances ranged from show tunes to pop and jazz, with some original compositions thrown in. Backup band was incredibly good. It took awhile before Caruso called us up. There were many fantastic regulars and we were, after all, a completely unknown quantity. Tommy Tune was in the house and the place was packed with people. When he got to us, around midnight, (hey, that’s a song title!), he did a little interview and I shared that Roger and I had just met and thrown together this act just for the show. So, I sang Built for Comfort and Roger did some fills and took a couple of solos; we got the house rocking and the audience participating and the band was having a ball. It was great fun and seemed very well received. After I sat down, the bartender told me the sound guy said “Go Bucks", so he and I did a silent O.H.I.O. across the room — him in the sound booth and me at the bar. The best part of the whole evening was how thrilled Roger was. For him this was, in his words, the event of a lifetime. After listening to a few more fantastic performers, Roger took off to go to Don’t Tell Mama (he is quite the party animal) to hear some more performers, but I headed home. Maybe he and I will perform again in San Francisco with his band some day. George and I can take a vacation and visit wine country! Here’s the link to Roger’s band: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chord-On-Blue/528745370509824 Check it out!

How Music Made the Monster

I just finished the run of Frankenstein at Hudson Guild Company. It was a fun experience playing “The Baroness" Frankenstein who is quite bossy and pompous (no type casting comments!). Jim Furlong, who runs the arts program at the Hudson Guild, wrote the original play, inspired by the two films ("Frankenstein" and “Bride of Frankenstein"). As we rehearsed, I have to admit I was kind of afraid that the show would end up being pretty campy. And, of course, you just can’t help having a little “camp" in Frankenstein. It’s such a cheesy story really! But I was worried for Jim that people might laugh in places he really didn’t want them to. Then, he made the brilliant decision to hire Daniel Bennett (http://www.danielbennettgroup.com/) to create a live soundtrack for the play. With the help of an interesting set and great acting, the soundtrack made a huge difference to the show. I have never been in a stage play that made use of this. It had the effect of helping the audience realize what was “scary" and what was “humorous", working exactly the way a film or TV soundtrack does. It was super fun to watch Daniel at work. He played five or six different wind instruments - bass clarinet, clarinet, flute, oboe, saxophone and maybe something else I’m forgetting at the moment. He basically composed the whole show himself. My favorite sound effect was the “electricity" hum he created with the bass (baritone?) clarinet on a steady tone. It was very hard on his lip, but it was super super cool in the scene where Doctor Frankenstein electrifies the monster. Daniel and I have become friends and he was sweet enough to invite me to sing with his fabulous Daniel Bennett Group at Tomi Jazz on May 25th. I’m pretty excited about joining him. And I hope this won’t be the last time a director makes use of a live soundtrack like this. I’m definitely going to keep it in mind for future directorial efforts. Check out Daniel’s jazz music at http://www.danielbennettgroup.com/ and I hope you’ll join us at Tomi Jazz 8-10:30 on May 25. 239 East 53rd Street, New York.

How Do you Define Success?

Yesterday at my weekly workshop at The Complete Theatre Company, of which I’m a member, we had a discussion about success. As an artist, are you only a success when you make your living in the arts? By that definition, most of us are doomed. But, even more than that, I’ve found that focusing on the money does two negative things. First, it starts to make you cynical. You start feeling grouchy about how little you are paid and about how screwed up society is for not giving artists their due. Second, you have a tendency to start taking anything that pays, regardless of whether it is artistically fulfilling or even consistent with your goals. Since I moved to New York, many friends back in Columbus will mention how they are sure to see me one day “on Broadway". It is exciting to feel so supported and I love these friends! But… being on Broadway is not my definition of success here. And a good thing, too, because it is very unlikely to happen. It would require me to do certain things that, at this stage of my life, I’m not interested in, such as touring with a show. I just don’t want to be away from George that long and a life on the road holds no glamor for me. Instead, for me, my “success" is being busy with creative endeavors ranging from theater, film, singing jazz, singing with a chorus, writing a play (yes, I’m trying that, too!), working on my craft in my theater company, meeting people, seeing shows, hearing music, and experiencing New York with my best friend, George. By this definition, I’m a huge success already! Wow! I’ve decided I’m going to stop saying “none of it pays, of course" as some sort of apology, because, hell, is that really the point? For me, NO. We define what success is, so don’t listen to someone else’s plan for you. Listen to your heart and soul and follow your bliss.

Happy Holidays!

Anyone tired yet of the so-called culture wars? I am.

Does Jesus really care whether we SAY Merry Christmas? I suspect what Jesus wants is for us to LIVE Merry Christmas.

Not everyone in America celebrates Christmas. Everyone (pretty much) does celebrate Thanksgiving and the New Year, and there happen to be some other miscellaneous holidays that fall in between around this time of year in addition to Christmas. So yes, although I am a follower of Jesus, I am perfectly fine with a friendly "Happy Holidays" from the store clerk. It is respectful of our diversity as a nation.

No one actually knows when Jesus was born. This time of year was a pagan holiday of the winter solstice, from which we get all kinds of traditions that we love, such as trees, holly and evergreen decorations, feasts, gift exchanges, etc. The date December 25, was selected by the Catholic Church over 300 years after Jesus' death and resurrection and was meant to transform a pagan tradition into a Christian celebration. (see http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Who_invented_Christmas)

All that being said, Christmas is a wonderful holiday and I celebrate and love the meaning and joy of Jesus' birth. I also, by the way, like the meaning of Chanukah and the lamps that did not go out. What a great metaphor for being the light in the darkness and of good triumphing over evil!

Both these celebrations remind us of God's unconditional love and the hope, peace and light that is meant to be in the world. In addition, Jesus birth account SPECIFICALLY talks about Jesus being sent to the poor. Consider these passages from the Magnificat -- Mary's response to being selected to birth Jesus:

He has shown strength with his arm
and has scattered the proud in their conceit,

Casting down the mighty from their thrones
and lifting up the lowly.

He has filled the hungry with good things
and sent the rich away empty.

So, back to my opening premise that what Jesus really wants for Christmas is for us to LIVE a Merry Christmas, not to just say it. What would this look like? Our pastor, John Edgar, said look to Matthew 25 for Jesus' gift wish list: Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the sick and imprisoned. Help the LEAST OF THESE and you will give Jesus a great birthday gift.

How many more people might consider following Jesus if we just stopped talking about it and actually showed it? I know so many people who are so utterly turned off by Christianity and Christians (often with good reason) that they cannot even have ears to hear any more. Billboards telling people they will burn in hell do nothing but discourage people from really finding the love of God.

So, this Christmas I encourage everyone to say "Happy Holidays" and live "Merry Christmas" by helping someone in poverty, giving a toy to a child in need, visiting someone in the hospital, listening to someone who is struggling, cleaning the house of someone who is ill, making a donation to charity, volunteering time, cheerfully paying our taxes (which often help those in need!), and, in general, thinking of some way to say Merry Christmas with our hearts, not our lips. Maybe by doing so we will better show the love of Christ and invite someone into a relationship with Him.

Happy Holidays!

Picking Up Trash

I’d like to introduce you to Allen and Ken. A few years ago, Allen lost his job and so he and Ken ended up buying a house on the “wrong side” of Parsons Avenue on the Columbus South side. The East side of Parsons is an area known for high crime and low incomes. Allen decided that he was not going to live in a trashy neighborhood. So.. he did something about it.

Allen (pictured second from the left in the above picture) and Ken have started a revolution in their neighborhood by doing one simple thing: Picking up trash.

Every day Allen spends part of his day walking through his neighborhood picking up trash. When he first started doing so, people thought he was a little crazy. Then they started asking him why he picked up trash. He would share with them his vision for a safe clean neighborhood. Before long, other people also picked up trash or at least didn’t throw it on the street.

Allen and Ken and some other concerned neighbors started the Ganther’s Place Garden Club and Block Watch. Together they transformed the empty lot next to Ken and Allen’s house into a spectacular “pocket park” with community art, a greenhouse, green space, flowers and benches.

Then, the drug dealers started noticing that people who lived around there cared about their neighborhood and paid attention to what was going on. They moved their operation and were not so prevalent.

Now Ganther’s Place has two pocket parks with a gazebo stage, beautification efforts throughout the streets, annual garden tours, Christmas events, Halloween events, an arts festival, a large colorful mural at the entrance to their neighborhood, a newsletter, cleaner and safer streets, a gardening program with the local elementary school, and many other successes. They have spearheaded a larger effort, in partnership with Keep Columbus Beautiful, to put flower planters up and down Parsons Avenue and hold community cleanups twice a year.

And it all started with picking up trash – an effort that required no money, no organization, and only one person.

One great story from this effort concerns a missing tree. Allen had bought two trees to plant in the pocket park. He went outside and one was missing. He followed the trail of dirt down to a house and banged on the door. The woman who answered said she didn’t know anything about it. Allen pointed out the tree was in her back yard. Her grandson had apparently taken it.

Allen carried it back to his house. The next day it went missing again. Allen was really steamed now, and he went back down and banged on the door. This time the grandson was home. Allen made the teen carry it back and help plant it. He asked him, “Why did you take the tree?” The boy replied, “It was nice, and I wanted to have nice trees and shade at my house, too.”

Allen then went and bought the boy a tree and took it down to their house. Since then, that teenager has been involved in other efforts by Ganther’s Place and he and Allen are friends.

This story delights me because it shows how returning evil with good can be transformative. It also shows how we can start with just our own resources and assets and end up transforming the world. And, according to Allen, even losing his job turned out to be his greatest asset.