Here's a recent reflection by Patricia Conover, who attended our gig at Tomi Jazz on March 17.   She asked me to post it on my blog.   Delightful!   Eileen

My Saint Patrick's Day 

by Patricia Conover

Last night, my boss had a gig at Tomi Jazz Restaurant (239 East 53rd St.) She's a hard-working content manager at an international company by day and a world-class jazz singer by night.

Tomi Jazz is a cool little place with an unmarked door on a busy restaurant street. I walked by it twice before I saw some people walking down a narrow staircase and realized that it was there. 

So there I was last night, wearin' o' the green, my once-a-year Claddagh earrings in place, drinking saki and eating sushi with a bunch of Japanese businessmen and a handsome doctor and his beautiful sister on St. Patrick's Day. We were all friends before midnight.

My boss, Eileen, was terrific and brave and funny. She has a sultry voice, sweet patter and smooth delivery and she is a spontaneous and joyful vocalist. She also conveys lyrics--her own and those of Nat King Cole, Cole Porter, and many others-- powerfully. She's living the dream of being a jazz singer in Manhattan. Last night, Nat Janoff dazzled on electric guitar, Eddy Khaimovich awed on bass, and Darrell Smith dazzled on drums. They are three of the outstanding musicians who perform with Eileen regularly. 

Eileen sings with her amazing and versatile band in venues all around New York. How awesome is that? Her husband George is her biggest fan. Eileen has written songs about him, and he clearly adores her. In short, they're crazy about each other and they've been married nearly 40 years. They're just darling together. 

And the music is great for the restaurant. Eileen's singing and the band's cool riffs set a lovely mood and attract customers and keep them in the house, buying drinks. Eileen and her band aren't earning the big bucks but they are showcasing their art and enjoying themselves while building a following. It's a win/win situation.

I sat at the bar and made lots of friends while I nursed my Sapporo. Suddenly I remembered that my last chance to return home departed at 11:40 p.m. I jumped up and leapt out the door without a sayonara, down the windy street to the subway at 53rd and Third Avenue. Took the 6 to Grand Central and changed to the 7 for Times Square. Ran to Port Authority and up three flights of stairs to the gate. Looked at my watch. It was 11:38 p.m. 

Phew!

Kirk was asleep when I arrived home. I didn't turn on the light. I didn't want the glow from my night to fade into the shadows.

The Richness of the Poor: What I've learned from people who have little.

The Richness of the Poor: What I've learned from people who have little.

This is one of several reflections about what I learned working and worshiping with people who are economically poor, during my years as Minister of Music at The United Methodist Church for All People (C4AP), and now doing a music ministry at Church of the Village. Names are changed to protect privacy.

#4. Messiness, Chaos and Imperfection.

Early in the years I was at The Church for All People, our worship services were held in the Free Store in an old nondescript building next to the Green Machine Laundromat. Basically we pushed back all the racks,set up folding chairs, and held worship while the dryer next door hummed a C# throughout the service.  A mouse or cockroach would frequently make an appearance.

One morning, an elderly man using metal braces suddenly, and inappropriately, stood up in the middle of the aisle and began singing.    It was a disruption, and one of many such incidents by people with poor impulse control, mental illness or who were high (or.. all three).  

As a certified control freak, it immediately sent me into discomfort and "problem solving" mode. But, as this crippled man began singing "He Touched Me",  suddenly the Holy Spirit was tangible in the room.  The lyrics go, "shackled by a heavy burden, he touched me and made me whole."    It was one of my earliest lessons that God can speak (maybe speak loudest?) when the orderly universe is suddenly unsettled.

In spite of this early lesson, I spent the first five years in an heroic attempt to bring things in the music programs under better control.   I tried every strategy I could think of to get musicians and singers to arrive on time.  People who were from the streets frequently failed to show up altogether.   I would pick people up, get to church even earlier, do every piece of set-up myself.  I prepared recordings AND lead sheets AND sheet music AND lyrics in an attempt to reach my team in the way that would make it easiest for them to participate.  I harangued without success.   If I could have cloned myself, I would have.  I became REALLY frustrated because, no matter what i did, the chaos just continued to swirl.  

Not only am I a control freak, but I'm a perfectionist and over-achiever.  No matter what I did, I failed to be perfect.  I thought if I became a better leader that I could control the chaos. If I were better prepared, a better musician, spent more time, was more understanding, was less understanding.... whatever.  Nothing really helped.

I remember another worship experience where, during sharing of joys and concerns, this guy said "I need prayer to overcome addiction.  Hell.. I'm high right now.  Please pray for me."   Wow.  Talk about laying it all out there!   Over and over I encountered people who were completely up-front about their failings and vulnerability.

People called me on my own shortcomings quite directly, too.  "How come you don't have time to say hello to me?  Are you too good for me?", as I rushed through setting up the sound system.  But they never stayed mad, they always forgave, and they expected that I was imperfect just like everyone else.   I learned my addictions to over-work and over-eating were just as destructive as my friends' addictions to alcohol or drugs.  I learned it was okay to be flawed and admit to being flawed.  

Then, I noticed that, no matter how many things went wrong, events (worship, Open Mic, concerts) always ended up being at least okay, but mostly great.  And, often, the chaos and imperfections were where beautiful things happened.

Two out of four singers didn't show up for Coffee House?  No big deal, it gave me a chance to invite other singers to fill their places.  They then had a chance to shine and felt like their gifts were appreciated.   Nobody set up the sound system today?  If I just ask, other folks will help out, and feel needed and helpful.  In fact, the more I was honest about my own vulnerability and shortcomings, the more people stepped up into leadership to rescue ME!   The more I surrendered control, the more I felt blessed and cared for.

The Down Side

I want to acknowledge that it is very difficult to walk the line between what truly is disruptive to the community and what can be allowed.   So, if someone took over worship by continuing to talk or shout or make a ruckus, we had to remove that person.   Our folks would (as lovingly as possible) take the person to another room, our outside.   If the disruption was abusive, or people felt unsafe,  it was simply not allowed. So, the challenge is to accept a certain amount of chaos while also respecting the safety and worship experience of the larger community.  

What We Can Learn

When we worship and work with people whose lives are chaotic and broken, we can expect worship and the life of the church to reflect that.   If our first response is to control or remove that chaos, or disruptive person, we lose the opportunity to find out what message God might be sending us. 

When our response to chaos is to try to be more perfect, more 'in charge', or superior to others, we lose the opportunity to let someone else shine or become a leader, not to mention learning humility. I learned that the Holy Spirit shines through the cracks in our armor.  

The Richness of the Poor: What I've learned from people who have little.

This is one of several reflections about what I learned working and worshiping with people who are poor economically, during my years as Minister of Music at The United Methodist Church for All People (C4AP), and now doing a music ministry at Church of the Village. Names are changed to protect privacy.

#3. Encouragement

This afternoon I'm feeling like the Queen of the World, all because I offered some music to folks at a 'soup kitchen'. 
  

I've been providing music at Daisy's Food Pantry on Tuesdays at The Church of the Village.   I sing a song, lead a sing-along, celebrate birthdays and then spin upbeat music while people wait for their number to be called.   It has been a transformative experience for all of us, turning the crabbiness and conflicts that sometimes plagued that event into a joyous party where we have a good time.    People nod and smile and dance and thank me.  I feel like a million bucks when I'm done.  

Today, I invited two of my band members to join me to entertain folks at the Community Meal that is served on Saturdays.  I wasn't sure what might happen.   We played music for an hour and a half for a couple hundred people as they enjoyed a meal prepared and served by dedicated volunteers.

Being an artist anywhere, but especially in New York, can be hard.   It is difficult to get gigs, and then people don't pay you much, or anything, and require you to bring in a bunch of people to their club.   It is disheartening and can sometimes make me feel unappreciated.  

Today felt different.  I didn't get paid in dollars today, but boy was I paid!   I cannot tell you how many people expressed their joy that we played some songs while they ate a meal.  They smiled, and sang; danced and came up and thanked us.   I felt such encouragement and happiness about this meager offering of talents. And, hey!  It was my biggest audience EVER in New York!

This isn't the first time I've felt this kind of support.  In the time we served at The Church for All People, I felt more encouragement than ever before in my life.  Folks who were down on their luck genuinely appreciated what I did there and let me know it every chance they could.   And I wasn't the only one.  I listened to the poorest people in our community regularly boost the spirits of volunteers and staff whenever they could. 

People who have the least seem to be the most likely to share what they CAN give:  appreciation and support. They don't care about little mistakes, they don't care if I'm not the greatest singer in the world.  They deeply appreciate anyone who willingly shares their gifts.

It occurred to me today that it is challenging to build an audience in New York, but I DO have an enthusiastic following of the destitute and homeless!  Aren't I lucky!?

The Richness of the Poor: What I've learned from people who have little.

The Richness of the Poor: What I've learned from people who have little.

This is one of several reflections about what I learned working and worshiping with people who are poor economically, during my years as Minister of Music at The United Methodist Church for All People (C4AP), and now doing a music ministry at Church of the Village. Names are changed to protect privacy.

#2: Gratitude

"Alleluia!  My apartment was robbed last night, but I'm alive and here today!," said Rebecca, after losing just about everything of value at her home.  

This grandmother had faced many challenges.  Her upbringing was hard. She has a sketchy past with the law. She has struggled with social services taking her grandchildren from her son and then from her (now they are back).  Economic instability is constantly with her.  Yet I have heard her give thanks hundreds of times, just for being alive. 

This is not uncommon in worship at The Church for All People.  Over and over I heard people give thanks for the little they had, or for just waking up that morning.  Always they recognized that someone else could be worse off.   This fact has held me accountable so many times when I felt sorry for myself or had some minor difficulty. For some reason, it is harder for those of us who are born into privilege to be as grateful for the life we have, than it is for many of the so-called "poor" people that I know.  

A couple joined us after worship one day and shared that their son had been found dead.  They believed it to be a murder but could not get the police to investigate.  The mother talked about the loss of her son and some other troubles she’d had in her life.  She'd had a stroke and one side of her face was, as she put it “mush mouthed”. In addition, their landlord was refusing to repair an open electrical wire.  When they made a formal complaint, he cut off their water in retaliation.  She concluded by saying “I've been so lucky.  The Lord has been so good to me.”

This floored me.   How could she end that account of her life with that statement of gratitude?  How was she not bitter and angry?  

I have learned from people who are economically poor that we can be bitter or we can be grateful in any moment, regardless of the objective circumstances. Choosing gratitude, especially when life is hard, is a path that can bring us joy.

The Down Side

Occasionally, the flip side of gratitude is being too quick to accept unjust circumstances.  Sometimes I saw folks acquiesce to a "no" or passively deal with injustice, instead of fighting for something that would provide them with benefits or improve their circumstances.  

What We Can Learn

It is no secret that nurturing a an "attitude of gratitude" is a beneficial practice for us all.  Recognizing that folks who have little wealth can teach us much about gratitude helps us stay humble and non-judgmental when we are serving those in need.  

At the same time, organizations that help those who are poor can provide advocacy to help people challenge a system that often says "no" or does not respond at all.     

The Richness of the Poor: What I've learned from people who have little.

This is the first of several reflections about what I learned working and worshiping with people who are poor economically, during my years as Minister of Music at The United Methodist Church for All People (C4AP), and now doing a music ministry at Church of the Village. Names are changed to protect privacy.

#1: Generosity

Luke 21:1-4
He looked up and saw rich people putting their gifts into the treasury; he also saw a poor widow put in two small copper coins. He said, ‘Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them; for all of them have contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in all she had to live on.’

Dave was a homeless vet who began to do some cleaning at C4AP and its Free Store clothing pantry. Over time, he began accumulating a snazzy wardrobe –a new pair of jeans, a couple of new shirts, and his most prized possessions – two pairs of running shoes, brand new, that came into the Free Store and were exactly his size.  He was wearing one pair and keeping the other, his Air Jordans, for a backup pair.

One day another homeless man came into the store who needed shoes.  When Mike learned the man wore his size, he brought out the Air Jordans and gave them to him without hesitation.

I have been blown away, over and over again, at the generosity of people who have next to nothing. Time and again, people would find things they thought I might like and bring me gifts.   People with little income pledged to C4AP every year in small amounts - $1.00 a week or even a quarter a week. It was really moving to count the offering and find 7 beat-up pennies in an offering envelope.

Too often, our ministries focus on economic poverty and forget other measurements of health, such as a generous heart.  I have been held accountable over and over for my poverty in generosity.

The Down Side

Every gift or personality trait has its other side.   We also saw people preying on each other as soon as checks came in, and people making loans or gifts to another person that they could ill afford to make.   Financial planning is an important skill that many people in economic poverty do not have. A friend at C4AP took a "Faith and Finances" course there, and began to save for a project.  I was delighted to learn he then accomplished what he set out to do!

What We Can Learn

I'm convinced that one of the reasons that C4AP has been successful is that the organization has expected, from the beginning, that EVERYONE can participate the the economic support of the organization.  It has empowered us to be partners and pledge our financial support.   In it's first year, C4AP had a higher per capita level of giving than the large suburban church I had previously attended.

In working with people in economic poverty, we should respect that they can, should, and WANT TO contribute to the programs that help people in need - both monetarily and in action.  Programs like Faith and Finance can provide tools to aid in economic stability.

Those of us who are giving a small amount out of our abundance, can learn to reduce our poverty of generosity and grow in this spiritual gift.

Unsung Heros of the New York Streets

I woke up today to a white-out outside my window.  So, the first thing I did was give thanks that I no longer need to shovel or drive in snow, and that I work from home.  I went downstairs to do my laundry and ran into Robert, our personable and dedicated building custodian.  While I put my laundry in the dryer, I watched through the window while he shoveled (again) the exit and the sidewalks in front of the building.  Not for the first time, I was thankful for him and for Hector our superintendent.

When we moved to New York, we quickly began to see a pattern. As far as I can tell New York runs quite a bit on the efforts of building supers and custodians.  The state of your street is directly linked to how dedicated (or not) these people are.   Every day, Hector and Robert clean up trash on the street, carefully bag recycling and trash into thick, non-breakable bags, shovel off the snow in winter and hose down the mess in summer.  One of the reasons we were so happy we ended up in an apartment in this building is because it is so carefully and diligently maintained.

Others are not so lucky.  A building on the corner of 104th and Broadway is a  mess.  The sidewalk is crumbling, trash is littered about, and it is never shoveled which leads to icy conditions.  I rate this a 1 on a scale from one to ten, our building being a 10.  We live just up from a school.  They get about a 5.  Most of the time they are pretty quick to shovel and salt the sidewalk, but they are very messy with their trash.  It frequently breaks open, trash spills out and we get rats in there from time to time.  And because they don't have the watchful eye of a building super, folks who walk dogs seem to feel free to not pick up after their pets along that stretch. (At least, that's what Robert, who gives me the d.l. on the neighborhood, tells me.)

Anyway, today I'm not only thankful for the police, paramedics, firefighters, plough drivers and other city personnel who are keeping New York running, but for my own close-to-home heroes who make my street more safe and pleasant.

Get What You Expect in 2014

Will we be happy in 2014?

Years ago, when I was in my early 20s I was hit by a car while jaywalking and in a rush to pick up my daughter from daycare. My boss at the time, a wise woman, suggested that perhaps I might have invited this to happen to me. I was completely offended.

 In looking back, though, I think she was right. My life was a mass of chaos, unhappiness, judgement of others and depression. No surprise that the events that happened to me simply looked like the rest of my life.

Fast forward to the present day. When George presented me with the possibility of moving to New York, I struggled deeply. It was a huge risk for me, involving much sacrifice. Ultimately, I simply could not close the door on this opportunity for George. Having made that decision, I had two choices: Accept it grudgingly and fearfully, or embrace it head-on with joy. I (mostly) chose the latter. Here's what happened:

• I was given an acting job before we even moved.
  
  
• In the first 12 months, I was in two plays, one musical, sang in a cabaret, sang 4 times in jazz clubs, sang with a choir, was in two crime reenactment shows on cable TV, joined a theater company, and was in a student film. Also received an award, released a CD, and got a bunch of good reviews.
  
• We found a spacious 3 bedroom apartment that we could afford, right next to the studio apartment we were in, in the building we loved. We had been told there was no chance of this.  In all seriousness I tell you I prayed *specifically* for this to happen and 2 weeks later it did.
  
• Sold our house in Columbus in eight days; drastically downsized and fit into our apartment everything we truly wanted to keep.
  
• Had a successful (though very difficult) knee replacement surgery, repairing the damage caused by that car accident so long ago. 

I am not sharing these things to brag, impress or make anyone jealous. I do not think I am responsible for them, except for the fact that both of us chose to say "God is good; life is good; we will trust that all will be well, living in faith rather than doubt".

Every time I auditioned, sang, met a new person or dealt with matters of where and how to live, and did so with joy, without being attached to the outcome and without fear, I was blessed beyond measure. Every time (and there were some) that I entered a situation feeling like a small fish in a big pond, consumed by fear and my own ego or by some external definition of success, I failed.

Obviously,  bad things do happen that are outside our control, and they happen to people who are expecting the best and people expecting the worst. But, as my friend Chris Sunami once said, "You can choose whether to live in hell or in heaven while you are in hell, and you can choose whether to live in heaven or in hell while you are in heaven".

So I would offer this thought for the coming year: What do you expect?

I say, expect joy, expect blessings and let go of your fears, your own ego and controlling the outcome. You might get more miracles than you ever thought possible.  I'll sure be wishing that for you, and for me as well!