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Although our topic was healthy living, the conversation often turned to race, in a good way. It was usually very meaningful and just the kind of dialogue that everyone seems to be calling for on a national level. Two of the core group were even from the same county in Appalachia, one black and one white and both in their 50’s. They compared stories of racism growing up and they became good friends.
One day, an older white woman, who had come for the first time, accidentally used the word “colored” instead of “black” or “African American”. This term was once considered the politest way to discuss someone’s race (hence the NAACP) and is the term she had grown up using. She was instantly berated by an African American woman in the group. Although our little core group tried to pour oil on the troubled water, the damage was done and the Caucasian woman never came back. An opportunity for connection was severed.
When people lash out against “political correctness”, this is part of what they are pointing to. Is the litmus test for racism really whether I use the right terminology rather than my actual actions? If I ask a question about your hair does it really indicate racism or could it just be a real interest and desire to understand you better? How long will we waste energy on these superficial, meaningless things and avoid the real deep dialogue that forms relationships and heals ancient wounds?
This morning, after a shocking election, it is manifestly clear that decades of labeling and shaming those we perceive as racist has not eliminated racism. It has been growing like a cancer beneath the surface. I think the suppression of this voice has helped give rise to the noxious hate-filled movement of “Trumpism”. We think of them as old white people, but we see students on campuses shouting “Trump, Trump, Trump”, and they say they are reacting to the echo chamber of political correctness on campus. They are coming from all age groups. Supporters talk about his authenticity. He “tells it like it is”.
Visible Trump followers are only the most vocal and ugly. Over the years, I’ve had conversations with moderate Caucasians who have shared that the politics of victim-hood and the accusations of micro aggression and racism have made them completely back off trying to have any conversation with a person of color. This has sometimes fed resentments and intolerance in people who started out trying to genuinely create a relationship. I wonder how these people voted in the privacy of the voting booth.
In an environment where even innocent questions from well-meaning people are viewed as “micro aggressions” and use of the wrong (ever changing) term to describe someone’s race is a minefield, dialogue cannot happen. Relationships cannot happen when friendships cannot form because of an attitude of anger and condemnation. No one feels comfortable getting to know someone or trying to understand another perspective when their every word might generate an accusation of racism.
Isn’t the perspective of a Caucasian parent whose child couldn’t get into a university because of Affirmative Action valid? Can’t we open up the dialogue to allow expression of that grief and anger, while still acknowledging that Affirmative Action may be necessary from the point of view of overall societal justice? Aren't I allowed to be outraged that my child was bullied by a group of African American girls because she is white?Must my only contribution to any interracial dialogue be “mea culpa”? Are only some of my experiences valid? Can't we acknowledge that racial profiling and aggression sometimes happen against white people, too? When I’m attacked because my skin is pink, is the only response I should make “I deserved it because I was born white”? Isn’t that actually racism?
We cannot have real healing unless we allow all experiences and points of view. And every side has its truth. How can we challenge someone’s perspective and introduce the possibility of changing it if we don’t even allow it to be heard? A lot of people are talking today about a big chunk of the population that feels unheard and is very, very angry. As hard as that is for me to think of, maybe we need to start by listening.The national dialogue has to be, as it was in South Africa, about truth and reconciliation from ALL SIDES. It has to allow expression of things that might seem very offensive, but channeled into a structure that begins a journey toward understanding. It has to acknowledge that, even if I find your perspective abhorrent, until I acknowledge your pain and recognize it as real, we cannot even begin to change our opinions.
I will continue to be an advocate for equal rights and black lives. I will continue to fight hatred and bigotry at every turn. But I fear that if we don’t find a more open dialogue, the cancer of race resentment will never be removed.
