Unsung Heros of the New York Streets

I woke up today to a white-out outside my window.  So, the first thing I did was give thanks that I no longer need to shovel or drive in snow, and that I work from home.  I went downstairs to do my laundry and ran into Robert, our personable and dedicated building custodian.  While I put my laundry in the dryer, I watched through the window while he shoveled (again) the exit and the sidewalks in front of the building.  Not for the first time, I was thankful for him and for Hector our superintendent.

When we moved to New York, we quickly began to see a pattern. As far as I can tell New York runs quite a bit on the efforts of building supers and custodians.  The state of your street is directly linked to how dedicated (or not) these people are.   Every day, Hector and Robert clean up trash on the street, carefully bag recycling and trash into thick, non-breakable bags, shovel off the snow in winter and hose down the mess in summer.  One of the reasons we were so happy we ended up in an apartment in this building is because it is so carefully and diligently maintained.

Others are not so lucky.  A building on the corner of 104th and Broadway is a  mess.  The sidewalk is crumbling, trash is littered about, and it is never shoveled which leads to icy conditions.  I rate this a 1 on a scale from one to ten, our building being a 10.  We live just up from a school.  They get about a 5.  Most of the time they are pretty quick to shovel and salt the sidewalk, but they are very messy with their trash.  It frequently breaks open, trash spills out and we get rats in there from time to time.  And because they don't have the watchful eye of a building super, folks who walk dogs seem to feel free to not pick up after their pets along that stretch. (At least, that's what Robert, who gives me the d.l. on the neighborhood, tells me.)

Anyway, today I'm not only thankful for the police, paramedics, firefighters, plough drivers and other city personnel who are keeping New York running, but for my own close-to-home heroes who make my street more safe and pleasant.

Get What You Expect in 2014

Will we be happy in 2014?

Years ago, when I was in my early 20s I was hit by a car while jaywalking and in a rush to pick up my daughter from daycare. My boss at the time, a wise woman, suggested that perhaps I might have invited this to happen to me. I was completely offended.

 In looking back, though, I think she was right. My life was a mass of chaos, unhappiness, judgement of others and depression. No surprise that the events that happened to me simply looked like the rest of my life.

Fast forward to the present day. When George presented me with the possibility of moving to New York, I struggled deeply. It was a huge risk for me, involving much sacrifice. Ultimately, I simply could not close the door on this opportunity for George. Having made that decision, I had two choices: Accept it grudgingly and fearfully, or embrace it head-on with joy. I (mostly) chose the latter. Here's what happened:

• I was given an acting job before we even moved.
  
  
• In the first 12 months, I was in two plays, one musical, sang in a cabaret, sang 4 times in jazz clubs, sang with a choir, was in two crime reenactment shows on cable TV, joined a theater company, and was in a student film. Also received an award, released a CD, and got a bunch of good reviews.
  
• We found a spacious 3 bedroom apartment that we could afford, right next to the studio apartment we were in, in the building we loved. We had been told there was no chance of this.  In all seriousness I tell you I prayed *specifically* for this to happen and 2 weeks later it did.
  
• Sold our house in Columbus in eight days; drastically downsized and fit into our apartment everything we truly wanted to keep.
  
• Had a successful (though very difficult) knee replacement surgery, repairing the damage caused by that car accident so long ago. 

I am not sharing these things to brag, impress or make anyone jealous. I do not think I am responsible for them, except for the fact that both of us chose to say "God is good; life is good; we will trust that all will be well, living in faith rather than doubt".

Every time I auditioned, sang, met a new person or dealt with matters of where and how to live, and did so with joy, without being attached to the outcome and without fear, I was blessed beyond measure. Every time (and there were some) that I entered a situation feeling like a small fish in a big pond, consumed by fear and my own ego or by some external definition of success, I failed.

Obviously,  bad things do happen that are outside our control, and they happen to people who are expecting the best and people expecting the worst. But, as my friend Chris Sunami once said, "You can choose whether to live in hell or in heaven while you are in hell, and you can choose whether to live in heaven or in hell while you are in heaven".

So I would offer this thought for the coming year: What do you expect?

I say, expect joy, expect blessings and let go of your fears, your own ego and controlling the outcome. You might get more miracles than you ever thought possible.  I'll sure be wishing that for you, and for me as well!

Three Outrageous Examples of Racism No One is Noticing

Lately there have been a lot of examples of outrage over things that are big (the way young black men are profiled) and others maybe less deserving of real outrage (dressing up as a person of another race for Halloween). Here is my list of things that I feel should be getting a little MORE outrage:

1) Television roles: With only a few of notable exceptions (Ironside, Scandal, NCIS LA), television is woefully behind in its depiction of African-Americans in leading roles. Oh sure, they are the sidekick detective (Castle; Person of Interest, Elementary, White Collar) or even more reliably are "kicked upstairs" to be the occasionally appearing chief (Law and Order; NCIS, Chicago Fire, Castle (again), The Mentalist and too many others to list). In some shows (Blue Bloods,The Good Wife)it hardly seems as if anyone is not Caucasian... well I guess Galinda is the representative for all people of color on The Good Wife. As for sitcoms, well, let's just say that church may not be the most segregated time of the week. Isn't it long past time that we stopped having tokens in our media viewing and had real diversity?

2) People of color in fantasy: Okay, I can hear you laughing, but seriously how does a child feel they are part of Christmas in America when every elf, Santa and angel is Caucasian? Even the Whos in Whoville are little white people, for heaven's sake! Quick- - name a black superhero. Hm.. me neither. We think these things don't matter, but I say they contribute to racism in an unconscious way - by creating "outsiders" and "insiders" in our culture. We Caucasians don't really even think about it.

3) You probably already know that our criminal "justice" system is abnormally weighted against African-Americans and especially against male African-Americans, but do you realize that every single one of those "criminals" once they have served their time, is released without almost any possibility of earning a living? The offenses of the racist justice system just keep on giving for the rest of their lives. Many of those who are formerly incarcerated cannot get employment, a drivers license, rent an apartment,and they cannot vote. Many face fines and back child support they cannot pay. They cannot get loans for education. Many states prohibit them from getting public assistance - healthcare included. Since almost 40% of the incarcerated population are non-Hispanic African-Americans, these collateral consequences contribute hugely to the creation and maintenance of a permanent underclass and a nice population of repeat offenders. What other choices have we provided?

Why I Love My Husband

My husband George's birthday is today. Anyone who knows him knows how special he is. One time we each had our Vedic astrology read. George (who wasn't even present at the time) was described as being "an angel of delight". How true! In honor of this occasion I just thought I'd write down the top ten reasons I love him.

10. He is very handy -- he fixes lots of broken things, even if he swears a lot while doing so.

9. He has a silly sense of humor which makes me laugh even if I'm mad or blue.

8. He is low maintenance. When we moved to New York I had to convince him we should NOT use a cardboard box for a nightstand for the 9 to 12 months it might take to get our furniture from Columbus. When I ask him what he wants for his birthday, he says "Peace in Palestine". I can't deliver on that, of course.

7. He loves the world - he has been serving and visiting other countries and people in poverty for as long as I've known him. He authentically cares for those who are the most in need and have the least power. He's comfortable in many cultures.

6. He is very strategic about making happen what he thinks needs to be done, and making people thrilled and happy to do his will. Sometimes they even think it is their idea. It's a good thing he uses his powers for good!

5. Since we just went through packing up our belongings for the umpteenth time, I'll include that he really knows how to pack, move, and break down complex things into do-able projects. I just get completely overwhelmed, so I'm glad he is good at this.

4. While I have been recovering from knee replacement, he has nursed me, held me when I cried, cooked and cleaned for me, washed my hair, slept on a hard pull out sofa, and has never been impatient or complained.

3. He is a great father. Loving, kind, rarely angry and he misses his girls like crazy.

2. He is my biggest fan and supporter. When I'm on stage he sees no one else and he always thinks I'm wonderful (even when I'm not).

1. And the number one reason? He has seen me at my worst and he loves me anyway, exactly as I am. And I love him with all my heart.

I love you George! Happy Birthday!

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Physical Therapy (playlist)

My compilation of songs to get me moving and doing my physical therapy for knee replacement!

Music Therapy

I’m recovering from a full knee replacement three weeks ago. It hurts and is a VERY SLOW recovery. And it makes my back hurt like mad because of limited range of motion and pre-existing spinal stenosis. I’m also bored and cranky. About a week after coming home, my husband opened up his computer and started playing some BB King. I immediately felt better. I realized I had hardly listened to any music. I’d been distracting myself with TV. Couldn’t concentrate enough to read. In spite of this I didn’t really do much about it. Made a few jokes on Facebook about a Physical Therapy sound track, and looked up “Hurts so Good" (best PT song ever). Last night really sucked. I slept a total of maybe four hours and my back was screaming in pain. Woke up sobbing and really upset at 4:00 am. After I got sick of my self-pity, I thought, “this is stupid," and sat down to make a playlist of “happy" music. So since about 6:00 am (sorry neighbors) I’ve been listening to “Walking on Sunshine", “G-Bop", “I’m a Winner", “Your Sister Can’t Twist (but she can rock and roll)", “Let’s Get Loud", “Master Blaster", “Shining Star", “Keep on Movin’" and, of course, “Come on Eileen". Not only has my mood improved incredibly, you simply can’t help but feel good and get moving when you hear James Brown get down on “I Feel Good". And Chubby Checker sure helped my back with “The Twist". Now why on earth doesn’t Physical Therapy incorporate more music? I swear I’ve had more fun moving, walking, twisting, and doing my excruciating exercises this morning, than you can imagine. Let’s Get Physical! (whoops! I think I’ll leave that cheesy number OFF the set list, though!)