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This is a reflection by my mom. I found it very interesting to remember how far we've come. Eileen
83 Years as a Woman of Two Centuries
Del Hunter Morrill, M.S., N.B.C.H.
I
notice how many more elders are coming to my practice these days – we are an
aging world and you will see more and more people trying to find ways to cope,
not only with their own aging experiences, but with the radically different
world they are in as compared to their own growing up. To this end, it is
helpful to understand the great difference that people of the later decades
have gone through, compared with life as it is now, for women and for men.
Perhaps it might be helpful in your own professional and personal life to
understand the history, especially in how these changes have affected men like
yourself.
I'm now 83, so I grew up in a very
different time for girls and young women.
We had few choices in what we could do.
Below are just a few of them, which led me to become awakened by and
active in the Women's Liberation Movement, and my continued concern beyond
these shores for women everywhere. I
have seen our society change a great deal - and I believe it's been changing,
mostly for the good, at least in this country and others that have embraced
more modern changes. This is especially true for women as they have been able
to participate more and more fully in life as equal partners with men -
especially in areas that involve decision-making.
In school classes I used to get
"shushed" by other girls, and later, young women, for asking
questions. When we dated, we were NEVER to reveal ourselves as smarter than the
boys, or more skilled - in fact we learned to purposely "lose" games,
etc.; and our dates consisted of being "enraptured" by whatever the
guy said, no matter how boring. They had
little interest in what we had to say - and just like many today, our bodies
were far more important than anything in our brains.
Basically, you were not really
considered a woman unless you got married. You either got married or, if
working, you quit work if you got married.
You even quit great careers if you got married - be it a ballerina,
great pianist or singer, or whatever. It
was simply assumed that, in no way, could you be an artist and married. Those who worked (until they could get
married) had about 3 choices - teaching, nursing or secretarial. Women who
tried to get into other professions usually had a truly hellish time of it -
and I thank God for their courage in persisting.
Up until only recently, when you saw
pictures of the hours of people going to work, it would show a sea of men's
hats. When I first started traveling in
business, people were shocked that I was by myself with a briefcase - it was
unheard of to most. And, breakfast at
the Hilton was with all-male clientele - not a woman in the place mid-week. Of
course, the fact that I needed a room in the hotel raised eyebrows, offering a
second key, with the expectation that I would be seeing non-client males on the
side. In restaurants it was not unusual to be given the worst table by the most
traffic, and get very little service.
At that time, you never saw a female
doctor, or a female lawyer, or a female business executive. The only women you
saw in offices were secretaries. And there were NO women in Congress anywhere
to be seen by the public. They might be
the ones to guide you through the Capital Building or White House on a tour,
but that was about it. It simply was assumed everywhere that women really were
not up to making important decisions. So, women learned to try to maneuver, in
whatever way they could to influence their husbands who made the decisions.
Of course, women weren't even in
mid-management (let alone top management) in the business circle up until the
late 1970's. In fact, I was one of the
first in NYC to move into mid-management from a secretarial-office manager
position - yet my salary was not raised, and it was one half of the man next to
me who did the same job, only a hell of a lot less work than I did. When Metropolitan Life asked me to come on
board to train as head of their all-male sales dept., they offered me the same
salary I was currently getting. I
declined - not so much due to the salary, as to the fact that I didn't want to
go into the insurance business - even in NYC!
You don't have to look far to get
some idea of that if you ever are into the old classic movies. These movies
also are very revealing about the attitudes of men toward women, by the way -
and, no doubt, vice versa. Just pay attention to the dialogue the next time you
watch them and see how many outdated clichés you can find. Put-downs of women
were very common - she runs like a woman, she throws like a girl, she drives
like a woman, etc. - those are a meager few of the many comments that inferred
our inferiority. (I think "you throw like a girl" is still
popular!) If women protested in any way
they were called names - it was common to be referred to as a ball-cutter,
bitch - you name it., if you happened to be a self-confident and strong woman.
Such a woman seemed to be very threatening to men at that time - although,
sometimes I wonder if that has ever gone away, even in our culture today.
As a girl going to school, even at
the youngest ages, you wore dresses and you didn't climb things - a Tom Boy was
a "sneering" comment. I was
told not to walk on fences or ride boy's bikes - guess why? Because I might fall and break my hymen - the
hymen being necessary to have intact when one got married. If broken, a woman
was in serious trouble, considering that being a virgin when first married was
critical. Women learned all kinds of
tricks to get around that problem. Of
course, it was assumed that men should, by marriage time, have plenty of
experience. The double-standard reigned
through every imaginable part of life.
Up to the Victorian and Edwardian
ages in our own country, women owned nothing - they had to turn over any of
their money to the male of the family, and the husbands "owned" the
children. So, if a woman did even dare
to divorce she, in no way, would be allowed to have her children or any money
to exist on, even if it was hers to begin with.
Now all of this was despite the fact
that women were the ones who arranged the social calendar, educated their
children, encouraged the arts, volunteered their time to help the poor, and
tried to influence their husbands, wherever they could, to be as human as
possible. Later, when we got more rights, it was due to what women did - not
what men did, until forced to by women who refused to give in. We finally got
voting rights from our fore-mothers who went through hell to obtain them!
My own real awakenment to the
expanding possibilities for women came while I was a stay-at-home mom, and read
the book, The Feminine Mystique, by
Betty Friedan. My immediate experience was, “My god, I am not alone! Soon I found myself entering an amazing,
rapidly changing milieu, soon tagged with the name, The Women’s Liberation Movement. Scores
of women soon found themselves sharing together in varieties of ways, after
thinking they were weird or alone for not fitting in to the popular conceptions
of their roles in life.
It was the Civil Rights movement
that woke up many women, while providing them with valuable tools for
revolution. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending upon how you look at it, it
was the experience of many women, fighting for the rights of African-Americans,
who found they were relegated to doing the so-called "shit work" of
the revolution- the secretaries, if you will. They claim they had very little
voice in that movement - and this caused some of them to do some serious
thinking about the rights of one half of the population! Writers like Betty
Friedan’s book,
The Women’s Liberation Movement
(WLM) of the 1970’s was scoffed at by just about every other part of society.
Shortening it to “Women’s-Lib” (with a sneer) by those who despised the changes
it was proposing made it easier to deny the effect it was having on society. To
this day, it is still a sort of curse word to many. There are those who have accused the movement
of liberation for so many women of causing the family breakdown, teenage
rebellion, violence, and almost every other social ill. Yet it took the WLM to bring about a great
number of valuable changes, not just to women.
Today, woman's health concerns are
being considered by doctors and medical scientists in a way never done before.
It is hard to believe that up until women became involved in such areas as
medical research, only men's anatomy and physiology were considered when
learning about medicine. Many doctors
I've dealt with are still very chauvinistic when it comes to women - however, I
understand that some doctors are still chauvinistic to all their
patients, male or female, including their nurses - so it's probably not just a
woman thing!
Until the WLM, no one dared
interfere with the horrifying abuse that went on with children and women; it
was kept hidden, or if known, ignored due to the idea that you didn’t interfere
with other families. Even Freud, in the
Victorian Age, when he tried to get his colleagues to consider the fact that
some of his so-called "hysterical" women patients had been sexually
abused by their fathers, was practically "lynched" by his peers - so
he backed off. The term "hysterical
women" remained, however.
There is so much improvement in our
society that has occurred because of a movement some people still snigger at
and others remain ignorant about. Some
of this is lack of education about women’s history. Many people have never been taught about this
important part of our country’s development. They seem unaware of what has
happened, not just in America but in other countries, as well. Most universities, today. have courses
related to this important part of history, usually as electives. I wish it were required in every high school,
so that most of our children would be exposed to it. The WLM has been, and
continues to be a major influence in changing our society. And It is largely
due to those women, and men, who took a lot of ribbing and abuse to make it
clear that we had to enter a different time.
In the past, and even sometimes
today, it breaks my heart to hear any woman talk about how they got ahead on
their own, and that any woman should have been able to do it. Some say that the
ERA wasn't ratified in New York, not just because of men but, finally, due to
the negative votes by women! That's how
well we women were brain-washed at that time.
I so wish women and men of today would realize whose blood and bones
they walk upon; whom they should continue to honor.
I had hoped my grandchildren (all
women) would never have to be put down in any way, nor made to feel less than
anyone else. Yet it still happens now
and then. I cringe when I watch young
women in their 3-4" heels, and their ridiculous imitations of the clothing
of crass musicians, and their absorption in idols and the most ridiculously
inane activities. (I realize there was plenty of that during my youth, as
well.) But I also glow with some pride when
I see young women (and men) who move forward with interest and responsibility
for their communities and the world, many who do some very daring things in
life; many who give of their time for others.
What more could I ask? That it be
done across this globe with as much enthusiasm.
It fills me with pride to see other
nations in this world have female prime ministers and presidents, and take
congressional seats, and fill the seats of news anchors that once was the realm
held totally by males. I think it is
great when any person can work toward their life goals, and be chosen
for positions because they are skilled and otherwise qualified for those
positions, whether male or female.
We’ve come a long way in this
country, especially people of color, women and children. Some of our men and women have forged ahead
with us, yet many stay behind longing for the good old days, that never really
existed as they hold in their imaginations.
My concerns now lie more with women and children of so many countries in
which their men try to hold them back, often by brutal means. I am in awe over the bravery of some of those
women who resist being coerced, hidden and voiceless.
Important books on this subject:
The 1970’s (some of these may be out of print, but available with
dealers):
The Feminine Mystique, by Betty Friedan
The book that opened the eyes of women, and let them know
they were not alone.
Gloria Steinem: The Women’s Movement (her essays and articles)
Sisterhood is Powerful (An Anthology of
Writings from the Women’s Liberation
Movement),
edited by Robin Morgan
A classic, this 1970 volume is
perhaps the best single collection of writings from
the
early days of the “Second Wave” women’s movement. Expensive, even
through
“used”
sources, but worth it.
The Second Sex: Feminism, Race, and the Origen’s of
Existentialism, by Simone Beauvoir
Current:
Freedom
for Women: Forging the Women’s Liberation Movement,
by Carol Giardina
This highly-regarded book includes important information on
the role of the African-
American
women in forging the WLM.
The
Women’s Liberation Movement (Perspectives on Modern World
History) Sylvia Engdahl
This new addition to
the Perspectives on Modern World History
series explores
the historical and cultural events leading up
to and following the Women's Liberation
Movement of the 1970s.
The
Women’s Liberation Movement in America (Greenwood Press Guides to Historic
Events
of the Twentieth Century), by
Kathleen Berkeley
Berkeley
examines the background of the modern movement in the early 20th century,
by
detailing the stirrings and development of the movement in the 1960s, analyzing
the
key issues that defined the feminist agenda in the 1970s, and chronicling the
growing
backlash
against feminism that reached its peak in the 1980s
Copyright
© 2013 by Del Hunter Morrill
Written
on 2/29/2013
